Why They Don’t Want to Talk to You Makes Sense
Why They Don’t Want to Talk to You Makes Sense
If you’ve ever had a student, client, or patient mandated to see you—and they don’t want to be there—you’re not alone.
It’s one of the hardest ways to start a relationship.
And it makes total sense.
They likely feel exposed. Misunderstood. Maybe even punished.
Their nervous system may already be in threat mode, scanning for danger—even if you’re there to help.
That’s why your tone, your posture, and your pace matter more than your words.
🧠 The Neuroscience: Safety Before Speech
Before we build trust, we must first signal safety. This is where neuroception comes in—your body’s unconscious detection system for safety or threat.
When someone’s in shutdown, dysregulation, or defiance, their amygdala is doing the talking, not their reasoning brain.
What Helps?
Matching tone and slowing your pace helps regulate their nervous system.
Minimizing proximity and avoiding forced eye contact, especially for neurodivergent individuals, signals respect and safety.
Staying congruent—not smiling through tension or saying “it’s okay” when it’s clearly not—helps establish trust.
⚒️ The Strategy
Before you try to fix, reframe, or connect… Try this instead:
Start with silence. Be present. Grounded. Neutral.
Match their pace and energy. Let them lead the tempo.
Validate the resistance. “It makes sense this feels uncomfortable.”
Avoid forced connection. Trust builds when control is restored.
Stay consistent. Safety takes time. And time requires regulation.
✨ Your Turn
Have you ever had to connect with someone who didn’t want to be there?
What helped—or didn’t? Reply—we’re listening.
