The Parenting Mistake That Kills Motivation (And How to Fix It)
I used to think that as soon as my kids mastered a skill, it was time to push them to the next challenge.
You learned to ride a bike? Let’s try hills.
You finished that book? Here’s a harder one.
You made a friend? Let’s introduce a bigger group.
The logic seemed solid: keep progressing, keep growing.
But here’s the problem: pushing too soon actually destroys motivation.
🧠 The Science of Why This Backfires
Motivation research (Deci & Ryan, 2000) tells us that kids need three things to stay internally motivated:
Autonomy – Control over their own choices
Competence – The feeling of mastery
Relatedness – Connection and support from others
Most of us focus on autonomy and connection but forget about competence. And when we do that, kids start feeling like they are always chasing, never arriving.
That’s when we see:
❌ "I don’t want to do it anymore."
❌ "It’s too hard."
❌ Kids choosing the easy way out instead of the next challenge.
